no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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