No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize