Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
