i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
