I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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