I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
