turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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