I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
