He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
