i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
