Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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