Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
