I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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