she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
