I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dicks are not precious.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
