For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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