I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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