He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
jump out the window naked night went bad
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