Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
