Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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