We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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