Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
