Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
