I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize