dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
