I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
