At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
