so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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