after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
