Sponge bath it is.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
