oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
