no you cant smoke seaweed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize