He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
