I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
