the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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