Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
