your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
