there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
try to milk me bitch
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
