hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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