Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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