i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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