If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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