No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
