My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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