All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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