I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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