The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
