I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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