Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
