See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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