No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
