puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
