I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
