she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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