escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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