Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
