i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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