I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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