im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
